As A Black Man

 

As a black male paired with my stature, I experience racial trauma daily.  Racial trauma has subconsciously shaped my social norms across a variety of situations and taught me how to shrink to make others feel more comfortable and safer.  I have realized that the more I embrace my own culture despite my level of education, my ability to code switch, friendly disposition, and bright smile I am still often viewed as a potential threat.   Something as simple as driving, especially at night can be a highly anxiety inducing situation.  Just the sight of any flashing lights (break lights, Christmas lights, blinking lights) or sounds of sirens (fire trucks, ambulance, police) causes a litany of physical and emotional responses.  Thoughts of becoming another sensationalized news story, widowing my wife, leaving my daughters without a father or my mom having to bury her only son plague my mind and run rampant.  Imagine a 15-minute drive to work with a 5-minute cool down period in the parking lot to reset before entering another warzone called work that you previously had to spend 40hrs a week at.  Thank God for Covid and hybrid work from home schedules.  However once again I find myself shrinking to make my coworkers feel at ease, code switching to make my vernacular and tone of voice mirror my peers, smiling, laughing, and putting on to show that despite my size and brown skin I’m an ally.  These are just two areas that I often struggle with that are unavoidable.  Have I been able to heal from these common everyday situations?  No, I have not, this is my reality, this is my truth, and unfortunately this is what I must do to ensure that I make it home.  This is also why it is my responsibility to speak up in our community, educate our people, and bring awareness to an issue that makes the majority uncomfortable. 

With appreciation,

 CARLOS G CORBETT

Project Odyssey specialist, Project Odyssey